Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in samwise_davies' LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 18th, 2009
3:13 am	04/18/2009 Up again because of pain. Moved a futon (pad only) to Anjali's little apartment; her old/my old futon. A single. An efficiency apartment or whatever. She seems like one of the dignified Victorian ladies of my childhood, either of literary or actual venue, actually, although she lacks the age to carry it. She merely thinks she does. The first price of success is conscience, and the preponderance will choose success. I'm remembering why I hid. And why I threw my journal over the side of the ship. I had to. How utterly odd. This also means I really do experience some parts of reality in a different way than most, which was after all something I rather suspected particularly after the intelligence tests so-called. What this means is that there is no way that I--the personality as is, which is less than the personality that constructed the blocks as well as he could, necessarily [I mean "I" have to be less than "him"]--can prevent this change back. Any more than he could. Devil's trade indeed, although in this case there was reason for it. Question: what in the world would attract the attention of someone like me? (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
3:39 pm	4.8.2009 A more peaceful day; the pain is as bad as it's ever been, but the memories aren't so pressing. Although the almost-image remains; a small group of messages I'd read, Hong Kong before the "holiday port"--Christmas and New Year's at Yokosuka--and realizing that I knew enough to stop the war (the Vietnam war) then. I'm barely managing not to remember. It's like the left thumb that used to be nearly normal, wouldn't bend backwards, and will now--it was closed in a car door when I was about 8 years old by my aunt/adopted mother--I actually don't want to know, don't want to remember. I couldn't resist reading the documents, and every time I learned two things a third at least was clearly indicated (much stronger than implied, mind you), so I was caught between curiosity and horror. Like the "proof" (a military admission) that the NSA was tapping domestic phone lines, with the trigger a hundred words (bomb, demonstration two that I remember). Like Guantanamo only being the most visible place of incarceration. Like the "limitation of culpability" after Nixon, which means that Obama is setting himself up for a blindside and I don't know how to warn him. Like the identification of me as a potential threat if I elected to get out (the explanation of why I hid, partially) and the clumsy attempts to trap me into saying something to an intelligence agent that they could use to blackmail me. But they are merely fragments that pass. Mostly today I think I'll be able to play games and investigate a program. And avoid, mostly, certain sorts of thought. --Glenn Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 7th, 2009
5:55 pm	various oddities I was given my second computer--Win XP, HP Pavilion (it can supposedly only support 1 gig of RAM and does 2 nicely; I knew no better without operating instructions/manual and put things in the right places)--by a Mexican couple. That's germane, not just some sort of racism. They had it and their only real language is Spanish. Some puta talked them into it, and it was functioning as a paperweight beside the equally functionless gas heater. I'd also sold them a car at under market value and at my wife's insistence had dropped the price another hundred dollars ($600 below my original asking price because they were friends). So this isn't the story of some shoddy deal. They lost the setup CDs or DVDs, most likely the former because the Pavilion model I have looks to be about 4 years old and at that time most software was on CDs still. They had so many trash programs on there I couldn't believe it, some of them naturally malicious (I don't play pattycake or share on my LAN, thank you; without file-sharing chances of a virus or anything else transferring are fairly minimal). I still actually need to go through directories and file trees and just delete worthless files. They don't want them. I certainly don't. When I set up a user account, naturally that crap copied too. Hell, I even have it on backups. All this is by-the-bye, really. The actual point is that Rose bought me this--the Dell, the one with the graphics card (which seems relatively worthless because of Vista for games-playing; why they never thought of running a stripped-down OS with ports closed for outside communication and thus bugging with badware blocked I simply can't comprehend, even "virt" it somehow although it seems that would have to mean more drag on memory)--for writing and naturally for games-playing. Emphasis on former. But I'm going to use this to access the internet. Like I said, the games-playing at least often falls short. Rogue Squadron runs one hell of a lot better on the old single-core CPU Pavilion than it does on the bright-and-shiny. That's a rendering process differential too, which means more legacy games progressively lost, which old idiots like me don't appreciate. And which now do I use to write? Bear in mind that the HP has a 3.5. Then again, both have exterior third gig hard drives. A case can be made that anything that isn't incriminating should be stored on the internet, like this diarrhetic entry is. Diary entry? whatever. As I recover from that series of seizures, and as the blocks so carefully set up in 1973 fail, as they were supposed to be. The daft assumption of most screenwriters, even most fiction writers, is that genius feels like you're superior to other people. I have been known to call them Normals. What it feels like is that no matter what you do, you can't fit in. Usually, they are intolerably slow--but it's their quality. Not yours or in this case mine. I don't read quickly; they read slowly. I reach the end of a page at about the time the normal person has read the first sentence--if I'm not trying. My contacts are falling away, I mean. I remember things that I didn't want to ever remember. I convinced myself that I'd die before I reached this age, and even if I did, then someone would have already gone down the same path of logic. Done it better, even. Much better. I have gained a sense, now, of fatalism. Perhaps the two computers and conflicting usages (identities in a task-oriented environment) are quite metaphorical of my state. Bearing in mind that identity as commonly used isn't a referral to uniqueness of awareness but rather to relative position in a series of ordered sets. Better than that, the more "absolute" (the more unable to mutate/adapt) that description (identity) the better, in common usage. What is truth? First of all, the ability to perceive without expectation. Perhaps, for just this moment, I have gained that. --Glenn Current Mood: defunct (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 4th, 2009
2:35 pm	i ching "should I move or wait?" Pi, standstill. Still quite the clear answer, especially if the question is asked correctly. --Samwise Current Mood: apathetic (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 2nd, 2009
7:45 pm	On Habits and Knowledge In a real way, I suppose, I've become addicted to anger. Of course, that's one of the symptoms of PTSD. I was for the first time in my life treated as someone special, rather than someone insane...and then by that forced into a job where my particular talents could be nothing but a trap. At the very moment I realized that I knew key things that "they"--the ones who actually were in control--couldn't imagine me knowing, I also realized that there was danger involved. Any sane person would have of course just given way. I could have been making a lot of money. They even threatened me in the final moments, making it clear that if I just stayed in the service or at least in the government--that I'd still be covered the way I had been for about three years, where no one could touch me, short of the admiral. I figured then that it would take me about four years until I broke; I think now I was being a little optimistic. And the problem is that all the locks are coming undone, and there's nothing I can do about it. I saw this one coming, years ago and thousands of miles away. ...Back to the television. Thinking is probably something I should avoid tonight. g Current Mood: blank (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
4:42 am	0327 Friday, March 27, 2009 3/27/2009 And I can start writing again. The main stimulus is pain medicine. 4:31 PM There really are neural blocks. It actually operates mostly at least within the brain, or is orchestrated by it. It could be viewed as merely a refinement of concentration, or another version of various eastern mystical meditational techniques. It appears to me to require occurrence on a prelingual level. It can't be in terms of something that has its own rules and patterns. The main problem with a representational system is what it is--that. A system is an ordered set. Ordered sets have rules of order. If you then use a system to represent an occurrence, there is inevitable distortion. There are going to be what amount to global assumptions in the representational system itself, and they aren't going to be something that can be represented by that system of representation. The main problem here is that reality at least appears to be an ordered set itself, with its own rules of order. The real problem here is that we can't as yet manage to deduce precisely what they are. We've come up with a number of "god" solutions, which is resorting to the absolute under the guise of the unquestionable by means of invented personalities. 5:09 PM The problem with the neural blocks is that they require a certain amount of what amounts to attention. No resources are infinite. Particularly since the pain feedback now interferes with the constant muscular adjustments I have to make to walk. My lower spine is almost completely mobile, and terribly painful. I remember letting down all the blocks once--I'm sure I was stoned--and deciding that wasn't something to repeat. Did strengthen my ability to understate however. Means that introduction of sufficient to make a real difference in the strength of what's coming in (feels like there's what amounts to a sub-processor) means the ability to concentrate more. Sort of like the migraine headache, only from physical pain. And painkillers the only alternative. The feedback problem is potentially disastrous, and the typical result would be convulsions. Epilepsy. Seizures. Don't know, to answer the obvious question. The person writing this hasn't existed for a long, long time. I absolutely was not going to come back. There were a number of reasons, the primary one being that I wanted to exist as someone resembling the person I thought myself to be for as long as possible. Part of that meant doing something to my attention. I dreamed. I got fragments of knowledge. I was convinced at the time that I began the separation that there was basically no way I'd live this long. I was too suicidal, for one thing. And in any case someone would have done something to save the world. The obvious things. I avoided even thinking about the real ways that can be done. I guess this marks my admission. The pattern does at least temporarily resonate; it can be used. More than that, this is intrinsically a transition-point in terms of a number of things. (Comment on this)
4:41 am	0328 Saturday, March 28, 2009 4:08 AM Up at a rather ridiculous hour yet again. I'm beginning to think this XP machine has a rootkit. Like when trying to run a rootkit scan there's "no connectivity" which is a common virus trick. Probably be well not to log onto my bank account from this machine, not that there's a damned thing in it. And since it's Social Security, someone(s) just put their balls in the wringer. Whatever. This is turning out to be the glorified typewriter in a lot of ways, simply because of its capabilities. 11:47 AM oops 1:37 PM Doing maintenance right now, both computers. I've been bothered by a nagging feeling with the HP that's apparently untrue. No rootkit, no nasties harbored, apparently (doing a freeware online analysis that's more likely to be up-to-date and is another way of checking than Norton/Symantec). Much, much slower than that dual-core that I have; oh well. It's also a good backup as far as data goes, although I have been taught my lesson as far as trying to encrypt goes. I just don't pay enough attention and I don't actually give a fuck anyway. I quite certainly wasn't going to do all this, though. Interesting to have all the memories there, all that was required was a completely different approach because I'm not that person, haven't ever been, couldn't be. Like trying to make friends among the hoi polloi (however that may be pronounced); the gap's simply too great. Mainly maintenance on the Dell. Next trip has to be cutting as much crap as possible off startup for the HP. And pretty much keeping it off the Internet. Although it looks to be pretty goddam clean, after having run various programs through it for three months now (about) and having found various kinds of stuff on it. Trojans, adware, spyware, evidence it was once part of a botnet, all the fun stuff. And this time, thus far, not a damned thing, finally. What a relief. Nearly along the lines of finding out that I really will get the drugs through the VA, without them trying to pry into every corner of my life. 2:25 PM You could say the main problem humans have is with simile and metaphor. As a race we have almost no capability to identify with anyone else, even someone else of our "race" who looks too different. Throw in any difference at all as to goals--as to the interpretation of reality--and you have a war on your hands. The political is largely the religious. So the problem here is that of statement rather than of actual subject or method. Like Brigadier Urfe and his catchwords he loosed like watchdogs (Magus, Fowles). At times we hide behind not so much assumptions as appearances, even to the extent of being trapped by them. Names are first and foremost appearances. That's their origin, after all; friendlies and foes. The information indicates that there was an availability of necessities for life that was just a bit less than the population, which made conflict nearly inevitable. [To me there's also indication that more than once it's demonstrated that cooperation works. However, there are people who want to hang onto their privileges. That requires at least the appearance of conflict. The other word for heroism after all is stupidity.] 8:30 PM Actually, for the reasonable amount of security of information what I should be doing is simply posting all of these to the Samwise Davies blog on LiveJournal. I've internally discussed it before; I think this marks the start of actually doing so. It also very much amounts to sheer self-protection. The data loss could be basically disastrous; the audience is very much limited, especially in light of the fact that those who could be threatened by it could never understand it on their own. Information transfers should be momentary. Whether or not I'll muster the energy to go backwards as it were and include the older entries is right now questionable but I rather imagine I will. Kind of a pity I can't just save to both the disk drive and the blog client. Actually I find that a lot of the backups I know exist are in a location I can't quite manage to remember. How interesting. I guess Rose has gone to bed, at least notionally; no overwhelming sound of the television or screaming at the cats. Right now, anyway. 9:20 PM She was honoring the hour of blackness and silence or whatever. I don't know anything about it and seem to be doing quite well without it. I suppose that makes me a skeptic yet again. However, in order for the "hour without electricity" to work, start by unplugging refrigerators and water heaters. Undo your control towers. Start by disabling absolutely essential services or simply admit that you're pretending in order to make some sort of point or other which unfortunately makes no sense at all. It's a sort of religious rite, and the meaning therefore is, well, in the meaning. That's one of the core facts of what I've been nattering on about. You can actually say that there is intrinsic meaning in a lot of this stuff that's essential to the religious; but that intrinsic meaning actually lies in the way that it's treated. Whether or not the Ark of the Covenant contained sand or a material otherwise unknown on Earth is completely immaterial. Or contains, for that matter. The whole point of the thing is the impact on people's lives and on social orders, particularly in the justification of whole courses of action--the paradigms that support complete orders of definitions and protocols, that attempt to even deal with allowable ways to change in the face of environmental change. (Which is something that a system of belief which relies on absolute statements has a bit of difficulty in doing. But if you don't have the underlying absolute statements you have immediate confusion--not potential, mind you, actual.) 10:13 PM It's highly unlikely if even possible that the pattern of any system of protocols can actually exist in isolation from other protocols or other systems. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 13th, 2009
10:50 pm	musings I've known John for thirty years, should anyone read this. Some things recently occurred to confirm my actual opinion. Friday, March 13, 2009 8:05 PM And another day. I've been busy with computers all day, basically. Fighting them, and maintenance. I hate long scans, but they're absolutely necessary. However, I got rid of the main problem, which was this morning; Vista's desktop icons didn't want to appear. I did realize after playing a lot with things that the original icon was merely hidden behind the generic Windows blank icon, and it looks like an unintended side effect of Windows Defender. Quite possibly as a reaction to Tweak VI. Your primary problem when confronted with a situation where the identity model has to be changed because of the economic and industrial models intrinsically underlying it being proven invalid*. This means that any stated purpose according to existent social modes has a lot of problems, all along the way. Although the church can be seen as relatively weak at any given time, it did provide a means of definition. [Any form of governance which relies upon force--which is basically a show of force, because of the numbers involved, and because use of weapons of mass destruction against the governed simply means that over time there are no governed--is invalid, and provides the seeds of its own destruction. The attempt at control becomes directed at popular communications--with word-of-mouth still being the most effective means of obtaining information, if available on the given subject, and thus Wikipedia having sown its own seeds of destructions by having revealed biased maintenance of fact coverage--and has to fail. A military action has as its first problem distinction of friends and enemies, with some error inevitable. It is thus that the application of force is always preceded and followed by invocations to justice, the country and almost always some sort of deity. Realistically, all of it should be proclaimed sacrifice to the god of stability.]*These are notes to myself. But; change your model (your named set of protocols for interaction with the environment) and you have to change your mode--the person that's there, who is subject to these changes--is going to have his/her personality forcibly changed. Like it or not. The Nameless seems a good way to attack this problem. It is a "true" answer; much more true, in fact, than any other attempt of which I know within record, because the first assumption is that any names involved are going to be implicitly if not false mis-leading. I'm not sure how involved emotionally people are with that kind of identity. I can remember that I believed--more accurately, I tried to believe, I maintained the dike knowing quite well that the first leak meant the end soon after, fingers and thumbs or no--in the supposed American dream, the maintenance of justice and democracy--the evolution of selves and government. This even though I knew a great deal of historical evidence that directly contradicted the stance. [The gang-oriented government structure in some cases all the way through the state government, at least before WWI. There were marked similarities in fact to the problems that the Kaiser faced in his goal of unifying Germany. That business, lower government (at least) and gangs worked in cooperation was nothing new. A good example is the East India Trading Company (of England; I believe there were actually three companies at the time with similar names, but in their own languages). A mercenary who hires on with a crew of men in another time and place is called the leader of a gang. The most interesting thing about John was his apparent lack of any attempt to hide who and what he was. In a real way I didn't have to do so, simply because no one could seem to decipher what I was all about anyway. I was a mystery without even trying; my efforts had to be toward legibility. It's the major reason, of course, that I've just stopped going to see John except as entertainment. So I was nearly invisible when around John, basically, because people were paying attention to him instead of me. I deliberately broadcast a personality that wasn't so much weak as it was unnoticeable. The protocols were designed to fit in; the explanations were quite valid, and were oriented around the survival mode of someone in the crowd and in a fundamentally hostile environment, both. I doubt that John or any of his friends can offhand remember much anything about me except that once my last name was Smith and that I now have epilepsy. I remember how frightened John was by the idea that I'd figured out why he was so important to people, or so popular, or however I phrased it. Along with that was the shocked and momentary realization on his part that I never had actually managed to identify with him or his friends, that I really never had been part of the group--and a sort of stunned awareness that he'd actually always known I hadn't, too--which almost undoubtedly meant that I didn't idolize him, have some sort of sexual fetish for him (he was serious about that, after all, and he felt somehow hurt by my [its] disdain), or even quite possibly any respect for him, at all. That he might even have been an experiment, and that his answer to my question about "niggers" (he did, indeed, use them as someone to feel superior to) was making a point that he almost could get, and that he knew absolutely nothing about what I thought because I couldn't begin to explain it to him. I don't think he was able to detect his own pattern of behavior toward his customers. He liked to prove his superiority by making them do things (it must have come--it came as quite a shock, I mean, to find out that people were actually doing things for him because they liked him) to buy drugs from him. He bragged about the jobs he'd had. [The problem is that his Social Security amounts to less than a hundred dollars a month if I recall correctly. That boy didn't work for a living. He was a drug dealer, and a car thief ( he was very proud about that, actually).] He'd talk about the customers behind their backs. I assumed he did the same thing about me, although I couldn't think of any way to check deliberately. Years later, it turned out I was right. Because of his lack of a job, for one thing, John did have intrinsic problems with his identity. He was completely unable to admit them, of course. He claimed to have had experience with a commune; he gave no details at all, and it seems extremely unlikely that he could have done such a thing. He was paranoid (a great deal of the paranoia attributed to drug usage would be more correctly attributed to the social environment in which the usage takes place, how it is identified, and whether there are penalties or rewards--or even, which is increasingly a rare ability, ignored by the society which forms their environment). It should also be noted that he grew up in the heralded Nuclear Society, where family and social ties tended to be shattered once out of childhood by economic necessities and consequent moves (as was noted, the Interstate Highways actually did have a major effect on the U.S. economy) and that he wished to leave as soon as possible. He joined post-WWII army and then returned apparently to live in L.A.; it was either there or around Pensacola Florida. He had a habit of attempting to separate himself entirely from his peers in his own eyes, especially in the matter of intelligence. It was partially this that kept him at the very bottom level of society, because he felt he should meet no competition at all (I didn't count, because I didn't fit the pattern--truer than he could have guessed). 10:20 PM John was and undoubtedly is very sexist, not only to preserve that sense of superiority, but because he had to preserve a sense that anyone whose judgment or perception differed from his was automatically wrong. This also meant that he based his judgment of information more on the source than on circumstances around it or any sort of corroboration. Empiricism was entirely beyond him. He obtained his values from the circumscribed world of petty criminals and drug-users, and was quite proud of the fact that he usually didn't sell hard drugs. He also didn't trade in stolen fire arms, although he didn't pretend that was from anything other than a sense of self-preservation. He made it clear many times that he didn't care at all about Nancy, although there was a sense this wasn't entirely true. He also was incapable of expressing emotion, which wasn't unusual for a man of his age and background. He noticed me as different, but couldn't have and still couldn't say exactly how. He's forgotten the poetry by now, which pretty well embarassed him. It's a near certainty that he's more comfortable with no more visits from me, and I've accomplished my purpose. I don't have to use drugs, although I'm not sure how long I'd live without painkillers (obviously, the anti-seizure drugs are necessary for me to keep on living; I am without addicted). At some point he was trying to take steps to ignore me as much as possible. Again, I didn't fit in his life, particularly when I was visiting him and taking him books without expectation of reward--and then I gave him a stereo. He made a number of comments about how there was no point to his life any more, now that his son Geoffrey is dead (it seems I've written that before on this page). He has no working definition of himself, nor has he ever. At most he is what he does, or rather did; a pot seller, and small time con artist. He lived on the fringes. He aggrandized himself a great deal with those who visited. He was very proud of having saved enough money to buy property and build a house. It was also quite revealing how he posed as an expert the entire way through and then later revealed to me he was nothing of the sort. One major problem with someone who has no further purpose in living is carrying on a conversation with them; it's tempting to start out with something like, "So, why haven't you killed yourself yet, since you're not worth anything since your son died?" That Nathan identified him as a con artist was fitting, since Nathan himself is just that--and was named so by John. I would be extremely shocked to ever hear from John unless I initiated the contact. At the end of it, there's simply little if anything in common between us. His value system is probably the most interesting consideration of all. And here I'm going to stop for the night. This is making an easier conversion by far from theory to immediate application than I'd guessed. --Glenn Current Mood: apathetic (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 12th, 2009
7:34 am	the missing link And all of the blocked memories are coming back. I made a committment, in 1977. I wasn't going to live this long, and if I did, it wouldn't be necessary. And here I am, and it is. Nearly exactly as predicted, even by me (when I was honest; but it was hard to distinguish pessimism from the ability to perceive reality). I suppose I will write more about this here. I haven't thought that part out yet. Certainly I can provide the framework of thought, so that a lot of it can be deducible. The changes I forced, after all, were done by introducing key factors without announcing them. I was the man who wasn't there. This next apparently can't be done that way. There was supposed to be someone else who came along. WTF. --Glenn (Comment on this)
Monday, March 9th, 2009
8:42 pm	language, unstated assumption, effects on perception First of all, the psychology that comes to mind offhand was a study of infants. Before they started speaking--just before they started speaking--they were progressively unable to hear phonemes not included in the language(s) being learned. The implications of that considering current consciousness in those infants now is considerable, and also something that can't be tested, basically. If you literally can't hear everything someone else is saying (because of exclusive definitions being employed in your "training"--in the process of your learning) you probably can't understand every concept they might address. In fact, "the obvious" is the first definition we as humans definitely can't rely on. And the unstated assumption centers around that process of definition by exclusion. Throw out everything you can, even if you often end doing the baby with the bathwater. If it's irrelevant, it's unimportant; the court getting on with things at five was far more important than that idiot's life. Besides, she had a heavy date that night anyway, and he was a habitual criminal. Vive le...h'm. I guess "long live whatever" might be taken as a bit offensive in circumstances like this. Oh well. People just have to understand our (unique) justice system. And if you ask one more goddam question I'll taser you. And one of the results of an ongoing process of definition by exclusion is at least a tendency toward aggression. Reason and exclusion of data because it doesn't fit your criteria (scientists have been known to utterly reject reports on the feeling that they were "unlikely", and then have tended to go on speculating about the processes of myth and folklore; I'm sure the ordinary biologist is quite an expert in (for instance) etymology) just don't seem to be a glovelike fit. The usage of definition by exclusion is maybe most obvious when someone is talking about a member of a group (generally a "race"--like Mexicans, or blacks) they don't like. "Scientists" just use more esoteric vocabulary to do it. A small fraction of an ongoing process of almost-thought. --Glenn Current Mood: speculative (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 28th, 2009
4:00 am	interesting No bloody way at all to just do a *.knt file, which would ease things considerably as far as synchronization. I'm reluctant to enable file-sharing on a WAN; it simply can be hacked too easily, particularly with the model I have (although I'm not broadcasting the SSID). I suppose I'll see if Google will allow it. --g (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, December 22nd, 2008
5:07 pm	empiricism Even though I actually outlined what it had to be, it's time to go over this one in note-taking mode, which this blog i.d. is for. For any given event, there are effectively an infinite number of causes. You have to start that by designating something "an event" you've in fact performed an action of judgment; it's occurred significantly enough with respect to some scale of values you employ that it occurs to you to label it an event and in some manner that renders it identifiable as an event. [Our culture works under the assumption that most events have basically one cause. It's what our language reflects. Very few events have only one cause, just as relative value is inevitably complex.] Of these causes, a few are testable; most aren't. If I tell you the stone wanted to roll down the hill, you're pretty well stumped unless you speak rock. If you are going to test the given event, you have to first of all describe it in objective language, just as avoiding transference is the one absolute necessity of counselling someone. [Of course, you do realize that without the ability to empathize--not sympathize--any counselling given is at basis makeshift, and class vice case oriented.] Here we've gotten into one of the more complicated aspects of the problem, because there is no such thing as objective language. In a real way that was why empiricism was devised as a way of determining knowledge, because there was no faith relied upon. All language involves assumptions. Not all (or even, actually, most) of the assumptions are stated. There is no invariant relationship between language (which can be defined as a patterned representative system designed for communication; there are systems not designed for that, and there are unpatterned systems) and that which it presumes to define, reality. To the extent it is invariant it's unable to adapt, and a non-learning system of knowledge and communication only works in the short term, as far as we know. So by objective language we mean something as clear as possible, including as many pertinent facts as possible. This means that the event is described in part by exclusive definitions, which bear an implicit weakness of their own. What was irrelevant last year may not be today. Although the usage of a modal system is to some extent inescapable, it needs to be done with great care and with awareness that it's being done. One cannot prove anything. First of all, you would have to witness each and every occurrence of whatever it was, is, and ever shall be. Secondly, you would have to prove your explanation correct (that is, prove a linear relationship between your analyses of causes of the given event and the observable causes...bearing in mind that cause is in fact a concept not something concrete like, well, concrete). Mathematical manipulation eventually lends the so-called "fan effect" because there's a certain minimum constant error being introduced at each level of manipulation. You can fail to disprove. Before testing, an explanation is properly termed a "hypothesis". After successful testing it can proudly announce it's a "theory". I understand there's champagne at the celebration. I'm feeling like something is missing but this will do all right for notes toward. --Glenn I mean, Sam. 81 (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 21st, 2008
4:47 pm	modal philosophy An example of something I forgot (other than that Lady Tairngire's thumbs don't bend to touch her wrists) is the truly critical difference between Dooyeveert's Modal Philosophy and mine. Dooyeveert was quite simply a deist. Not only that, a Christian (which really isn't automatic, since religion bears a lot of marks of having at least starting as a handbook for survival [something which can't be tested isn't automatically false]. Religion uses faith instead of proof. Unfortunately, proof isn't available in the real world. That's one of the things the empirical rationale is about. I've written somewhere between 30 and 50 thousand words of notes, mostly scattered. My guess is right around 20K actually organized in one place and nearly finished. "Discouraged" is hardly the way to characterize the kind of feedback I got from peers, teachers, and parents in investigating such things. That I'm not actually bitching about, because Different View (the original title) has to arouse that--distaste to anger, I mean--if it's even nearly true. Untrue as such a word intrinsically is. A large part of where I started was that "truth" was a nonviable concept unless it was quite clearly interwoven with relativity. Things change. If you have a system of representation that concentrates on stability you have another source of consistent error. But the individual consciousness isn't the social consciousness. So cause and effect doesn't nearly operate in the mythical way. Remember when the roots for that particular branch of logic were laid and that a tacit assumption is that cause is usually not multilinear. Too inconvenient, you know. Consciousness of the body has to be established before the acquisition of language. That's what I mean by pre-lingual consciousness. When the intricate structure of values, definitions and resultant protocols is damaged enough that it obviously doesn't work well if it applies at all, you can expect a bit of social unrest. People are going to act as if following the rules doesn't work, mainly because it doesn't. That's not merely a prediction. It's happened quite a few times in the past. I'll add that describing that whole intricate structure as "incentive" and suchlike is pretty lame. Not knowing the "in" terms and words doesn't mean you lack the knowledge. Pretentiousness is a large part of our educational system. When your system of values based on notions like "patriotism" [which is inherently pretty questionable; it's an attempt not only to defend but glorify prejudice] and religion has collapsed and all that is left is socially-assigned value by means of mediums like money, it's quite defensible to regard acting "morally" as sheer stupidity. That it turns out that action without a background allowing judgment tends to be destructive shouldn't be surprising and evidently is. The only thing I could see as a solution in 1973-1974 was the introduction of a new religion, based on certain guidelines that should be fairly obvious and evidently aren't. I was convinced that it had to be obvious to a lot of other people. I couldn't stay in the power structure. Obviously the nonfiction philosophical approach is easier to write although much harder for most to read. The other part has to be a popular presentation. The kinds of archetypes needed "It" tells me are already present in "voices". Mainly it's movement without movement, manipulation of perception. Probably first short story [sf] for one of the magazines, theme offworld, PKD type entry. Mix it with a bit of Zelazny and fascination with death so as to arrive at mixtures and balances; start with "Nameless" for reference. Point here being that assignment of names means hauling along an insurmountable amount of baggage, seemingly nearly infinite. Enough for now. I've really simplified making entries under this identification by adding I.D. to PC-based entry-poster. --Glenn Current Mood: pensive (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 20th, 2008
7:29 pm	progressions I finally realized that I actually had placed blocks on some accesses to memory. The realization dates from mid-2005. Before that--from the time the first one was placed--there was this nightmarish feeling of unreality. There were specific periods of time I couldn't remember (me, with the "perfect" memory) and some subjects that bore the imprint of deliberate tampering. The first one in particular had all the earmarks of a realization buried in fear. With me, that had to be fear of what I was, am or could be. [I go berserker when in a situation where I should feel and show rage.] Both were periods of time when I knew I was under observation because of my "intelligence". IQ, I mean, Stanford-Binet version and all that. Retention, reading speed, ability to spot patterns, ability to predict. I caught on in both situations quickly enough not to be trapped into anything. The first time was in early high school, the second was mid-way through the Navy. The latter was also connected with some other things. I have at times wondered why I haven't acted dishonorably in order to gain money. But what if the slightest use of an ability to say, be able to influence the desires of others meant that it would most likely be unavoidable the next time? All that takes is a pretty comprehensive awareness of the other person's or peoples' patterns of value and desire. And I was never going to use the (confirmed) knowledge of others, even if it was to save them from themselves. Problem is, am I really that charitable? are my virtues and ideals truly that untarnished? And the true core problem is that yes, Maryanne; truth truly is relative. Yes, Pilate, wash your hands; because in your attempted action, and your forced non-action, you stood no more as cause than effect; you were only the cue ball. Quite seriously the probability for my non-survival by this age was 99.99999 (five 9's, in the lingo). Free will? unfortunately, I think not. Progressions, indeed. Song of the Dead City. --Glenn (pardon me, Sam) (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 29th, 2008
6:53 pm	update (after a bit of an absence) The photographic memory is actually returning. It's only data I noted at the time, so I don't have (for instance) most page numbers. I have to have a way to locate data in some cases (the Bible is rather a large book, so is the Encyclopaedia Brittanica) so other than the data itself I may not be able to precisely name source. I have to have noticed whatever it is explicitly at the time, first of all (to reiterate). And the flashes of the actual multi-dimensional links of that "modal" philosophy. Working closer and closer to the time where I chose to lose most of my identity. At least having epileptic seizures was clearly foreseen (by me, I mean; no one else was in on this or could have been). Since they occurred and have apparently been controlled I have good choices there. Fragments of what I did; sort of like a prefrontal lobotomy, except just kind of hiding the results. Coming up fairly normal in intelligence most of the time, sort of. As close as I could manage. What's returning is operating at a bit higher level, and I never have known how to control it once started. Feared it as much as I hated it and all that. Entries here should actually be safe. --sd Current Mood: gloog (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 2nd, 2008
8:56 pm	jun 29 2008 6/29/2008 So this actually does make sense. Having two computers, that is. More so than trying to do the writing on paper bit, which is actually a lot more comfortable. So this is the transition. This is definitely an SD entry. Fictional or actual, I am becoming a person other than the one even who began with these computers. I'm not trying any longer to communicate with people past a certain point. If I do, it actually becomes something else. I have actually no reason to doubt the assessments I was allowed to see about myself in some respects. Problem was, they hadn't even guessed at someone like me. It was in Junior High. End of the first year I was there, just after whosit had his talk with me and said the grades actually did make a difference. Which meant that I had to start lying more and more and not only that but by habit. It was either that or last year of Junior High (we're talking 9th grade for the latter). It's simply astonishing the chains of statements you make, just by making one. If I was going to survive in the environment I had, it wasn't going to be as what I really was. Like the night that Rose has firmly forgotten, where I sat with her for something like half an hour, “carrying on a conversation with myself”, but they were her real reactions. She was somewhere between fury and hysterical laughter when I quit and let her go. Like the toejam bit. Still makes me laugh. I was making her tell me she was reading...whatever it was. E-mail, journal entries, whatever. If it was the latter then they contained appropriate passwords...it was quite elaborate. Worked like a charm, too. But then I was games-playing and that's my forte. Anyway, what this will allow is some continuity, so I'll have to import keynote most likely. Although I'm sure that this allows hyperlinks to the internet. Means making notes here, anyway, when I can't follow up at a given time. That's more than bearable, and the shared documents etc. looks to be potentially invaluable. Your definition of the average home user is extremely important as far as some aspects of the browser, OS, and kinds of things that are stored. As is, a great deal of data is stored on any given computer that has more to do with how to access data than anything else. If you can put a lot of the OS on the internet, you can cut down on a lot of internal overhead as far as memory goes. It might even be possible to not particularly pursue upgrading processors, except for the special markets. One of the things required is a slick interface, and if you're pitching for a home audience as an all-in-one there better be graded access, with a definite taste-touch-and-smell before even thinking about asking for any money. A good way to do this is beta it. A good way to try presenting it is yahoo! (in my humble opinion, simply because it's much more associated with experimentation than the entirely straight-laced MSN) with some quiet Google backing. Use OpenOffice, just like I am, so no weirdoes get to pitch about flagrant violation of their whatever. Of course, what I'm really trying to do right now is arrange two computers workably and it looks like I might have done it, without even having to switch keyboards around when switching machine access. Okay, so that gets the Twitter done, and even the reference to FriendFeed, but I've got to head there, preferably in Pogo, and get signed up to give it a try. I also need to try to remember the name of that search engine and check RSS feeds for the hell of it. This is 1319 local. In between I'm sharpening filet knives. I also just sharpened a Buck sheath knife for the first time (from new). I'm just taking them up to fine diamond edge right now, which means at the simple microscopic level they're serrated. I expect to polish everything en masse later. God, being paranoid about saving data works well. You can't catch everything but you can get a lot of it. I tried to download the LJ client just then, Windows crashed, and even though OpenOffice's MRU didn't cooperate I had this much saved, I think everything, and I think I actually like this best of the word processors. Perhaps a pity I paid for 602Text, of which I'm still fond. Wow. Here I am working on Houses at the End, and all of a sudden I'm truly vindicated in the notion that I have to start keeping notes on the computer. The first write has nothing to do with chapter two on the computer. I do have a lot of experience with characters having their own minds. It's just that now I'm not trying to resist them so much. Never mind. I did just do some insertion, which is the advantage to having the extra step. If you switch between styles so much that you have to “transpose”, re-transcribe, then there's a necessary phase that at least encourages thought. Thus my start with hand-writing. I'm also paranoid about data “back up”. I've already gotten in the habit of doing “notes toward”; now there at least could be some more integration of the whole process. Having two computers also allows me to be here and respond to the innumerable (and actually necessary) prompts, make reasonable entries, and not go crazy. Snackr looks like a viable RSS reader on desktop if it delivers as described. My main problem is that I no longer seem to see my desktop that much. Tell you what, just going back to being a writer of prose or poetry, with little reference to the so-called real world, is quite refreshing. I've been doing this for over a month now; I can see that if nothing else this will be there because I'll get my own readership—the blogging, I mean, which is what actually made having a second computer at times nearly indispensable, it seemed. There was actually one thing that wasn't—isn't--used for online activities, for a sense of continuity as it turns out more than as test machine. Point was a machine where response time didn't matter. As it is, by GMT the day being over and the new beginning, I'm going to be sinful and play games and watch television and suchlike. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 1st, 2008
2:19 pm	jun 30, 2008 Jun 30th 2008 And I’m making a decision on this keyboard, whether to keep it or not, and it’s failing. I mean, I really hate the thought of paying for a new one when this one works okay. The space bar is very stiff, and in comparison to the other keys, which means adjustment is a bit more difficult. However, I seem to be making various recoveries so for the time being I think I can manage to keep it. Plus I really just don’t want to have to carry even a keyboard for six blocks unless it’s necessary. Laziness, or something. Hah. Gotcha, you son of a bitch. Each time I start typing on this keyboard I think I'll have to replace it. Thing is, I've actually used so many different kinds (like teletypes) that if it works nearly consistently I'm actually fine. Even with 2 keyboards with wildly differing touch just next to each other. But not all the time. I don't know. Now that this keyboard is up on the glass rather than down on the sliding tray I can go ahead and pound on it, which helps. Before it sounded like a herd of elephants. Such a pretty thing, too. I've bought lots of generics that looked just like it that were just fine. Sigh. I'm persecuted and abused. The new wireless keyboard didn't work at all, and we're paying about two hundred bucks a month on a phone bill that was going to save us money. That's going to be fixed tomorrow. They'll be paid and it will be back to a low level of regular phone service as well as not the highest speed available for dsl. Interesting too that I'm becoming steadily more the doubter as recovery progresses. The trust bit was a part a wore and probably not all that well. Using Open Office kind of takes care of the backup problem, too. It'll do it via e-mail just in what I saw in a brief scan. Naturally I'll take my own sweet time to learn all the cool stuff. I've got the backup space. And there she is in all her glory—transmitted, mind you, from one computer to the other. I'm getting more used to it. That was interesting; just a random crash on the main computer. Probably ran out of pagefile RAM or something. There is leakage after all. Too bad I don't know exactly what kind of RAM it is. I think, however, that we established just now that I'm actually too cheap for that sort of thing. I'll be taking the new keyboard/mouse back tomorrow. There's a fight with Qwest coming up, not actually totally unexpectedly. Someone who assures you he's honest is generally a thief. That or a politician, which means he's a thief. I find myself fading for a moment. Sort of like the Ballard short story where the sleep center of the brain was taken out, they found themselves in a steadily shrinking room (but somewhere it had turned to dreaming)...that shrunk too far, and they never awoke again. This allows for more continuity, but I have to get more used to getting my butt over here and making timely notes. With two computers I can. I probably will eventually invest in a smoother keyboard. Right now I'll just invest in making my bloody phone bill more than current and getting it switched to something near what I was originally promised. Now that I actually know that it is something like $150 a month, that is. Rose sometimes doesn't want me to know things, and I'm not exactly sure why. Still working on the really brief expression of how scientific knowledge does often enough prove inferior to folk wisdom, often of unexpected types. Like the automatic defense of dwelling in cities as superior, where to the Indians the white man was clearly insane. There are a lot of arguments in their favor it seems. A lot of it simply has to do with the fact that the people who rely less on words than on show-and-tell are basically aiming for a different set of concepts. The city man definitely can't survive without help in their environment. A lot of the time the supposed hillbilly can exist in the city. He just doesn't like to, and it puts him in a really bad mood. Because in the first place cityfolk talk too much. Which they do, for that matter. --Hah. On my unpaid account, no picture. Of course, there is that guy at http://oregonnerd.wordpress.com/ ... --Glenn (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
5:19 pm	5/26/2008; how assumptions, feedbacks, perspectives produce timely images The major innate assumption [ed. of all of us] is that there is a point, sort of an after-religion recovery party or something. Reality is very dependent on the rendering system [(like it or not)]. And a lot of the time "sharpening"[manipulating a digital image for greater clarity] means making things up while pretending it was that way all the time. Fact is a great concept for schoolrooms and courtrooms. Facts don't hammer many nails, probably less than most, in fact. The words come afterward and along with them the along with them the point, that's always somehow eventually associated with money. The cabin some poor son of a bitch built himself is hailed as a major achievement [after he's safely dead, so no money has to be paid]. Fact is, he didn't have the money to hire it done. ................................ So apparently single strongest drive is the one to achieve identity. That's the single greatest thing religions offer, identity via communication with [the, one of the] gods and also generally immortality of one sort or another, like the lure of democracy (as the lure of royalty is identity within a carefully-defined society). You start copying the nearest living thing that well, feels, most like you and end by hoping you're significant enough that others copy you. Our one biological drive is social. There are some interesting questions about language intrinsic here. Certainly identity is a major component of power's allure. There's more to the Narcissus story than is commonly given. It doesn't tell about the twisted and curved reflections he'd seen before that, in others' eyes, and how they'd acted toward him (particularly when they were the most twisted). He'd sought something called truth without really having any idea what it might be. People had a lot of differing kinds of definitions for it, too, which was funny. --------------------------------------------------------------- Basically name is key to proper way to react or act. My name tells others that about me; characteristics associated with my name (and appearance) are assumed to indicate other behavior not directly related or even not related at all. Looks like language starts with name of chain of actions and responses associated with hunting. Soon becomes quick in-group identifier and conveyor of instructions (and quick transformation to protocols, or habitual definitions associated with kinds of behavior). Making any assumptions based on eating habits as the singular cause (of civilization, say)...go ahead. At the point that a primary function of language is preserving social function and allowing communication with foreigners (which means there are foreigners, after all), stability will become primary concern of those who maintain the dictionaries (and the peace). Power has so very many apparent sources, and all of them are really one: faith. And faith can be defined as the need to be led. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ By the act of definition we interact and are defined. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- The identity between modes actually has to be plastic, which was the problem with the Dooyeveert model. Take out the [perfectly] straight lines and it's a lot more likely to work. --Glenn 8] (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 3rd, 2008
7:17 pm	toward MOB 6 something 6/1 Mail Order Blues as entry way for the study of the valley and its culture. The valley's actual comture comes from the non-participant in economics, was settled by those fleeing civilization. More than that they fled rules and maybe memories. It's a good guess that a lot of them had habits that weren't well accepted where they came from; whatever indication I have of that other than that obvious is hardly something I can “talk” about on a computer. I like the entry on the bike but I think that it has to be rewritten, which is an understatement. It reminds me exactly of when Resnick gave up on commenting on The Estranged, which just now about made my mind up. I can use notes and intend to do so, but the writing itself lacked a point, which I knew at the time. It was fine that I had the idea of the lottery for someone to be killed; what might be of interest beside that was beyond me. Identity is a function of at least several things. That was after all what the study begun before my graduation from high school was about. And I probably have to write this out before I go any farther, though fortunately I've no problem at all now using a keyboard to write. I was confronted with a problem of coexistence with my supposed brethren. I must admit it never occurred to me that I might present a threat to them in the reduced state. It wasn't just suggested by Piers Anthony's Macroscope, actually. As of something like 8 or 9 years old after all I had to pretend to believe in all the prescriptions. I had indeed found more information, but I hadn't found freedom, and after what had already happened I had no trust in authorities or anyone else, particularly my peers. I don't think that any of this fits in with MOB or anything else from the Valley Story bit. I after all don't exist on a lot of levels, because I can't. So whosit that rides into the valley is as much me as the story allows. This gives me a perspective to operate from. I think I do have to write a history for that primary character. Resnick makes the choice of viewpoint easier for me. We're mostly in the business of portrayal not explanation here. I'm in the business of learning to get to the point. The ordinary person really doesn't think much about reality and when they do it's very much an exception; thus the expressions of amazement at various times. The hoi polloi don't like to think. Probably because it's confusing; too many pathways that lead nowhere. Which gives rather a different picture of the wise man. The commoner doesn't want to know the truth, because that might involve thought. His reverse, name him what you will, prefers to think--but within the grid provided by society. Use language to define reality and you've made a big, dangerous step. Language as we know it has one of the same pitfalls as does a sophisticated programming language, which is that it employs unstated assumptions which aren't even visible without some actual pursuit of definition. The valley is going to be conservative by nature, not least because of a lack of money on the part of the inhabitants. I'm sure that the social separation implicit in the whole story will be pretty unbelievable to most people but it's the way things are in most of the world. If anything the separation in the U.S. is smaller and there is certainly much more upward (and downward) mobility). ------------------------------------------------ Some thought needs to e given to point, which I think is actually fairly obvious. The new messiah comes from the valley, and we'll figure 5 books to there, not meant to be in order. Star Wars sort of thing. The fictional authority bit will be quite useful, relevant and as far as I can tell actually valid. I ought to buy a degree online. What I want is first is easy to write and sell. So the houses at the end of Taylor St which has bugged me since the first idea good vehicle for start. Horror and humor. So need to preserve the in context bit. Maybe Maria works at Bear Creek cleaning or something. Marty as old man [or just perhaps old androgyne]. Note that his social contacts are never clear (to begin with; in the process of notes this has already changed; any appearances are going to be masked, so to speak; he/she is dead and nephew keeping things going). [P] not to enter into story not least because he'd expect money (for being somewhat related to the idea of someone who introduced couple to landlord). >>I also want to introduce notion of changing environment but not explore it.<< What protagonist wants is something to believe in although he doesn't expect it. [I wrote below that “No. Houses on Taylor St. is humor.” However, doesn't rule out the occasional odd observation. Resnick. Do the line but don't follow up on it.] It's very tempting to introduce the idea of “a sect” from the start. Houses to be pretty much as is, no insulation and the exterior that's not good on any close inspection. Closer still, no insulation, knife-blade drafts. So expensive to rent [heating or cooling apart from direct bucks for rental]. This is another treatment thing. Looks like and present as pleasure, in manipulation and that's mostly what's missed from years of government work. --Definition of progress and presents self as passing on wisdom. [Use cranker characters from trailer park? some of them?] Goes wrong when Marilyn dies and death is somehow attributable. [Need to work up fuckin' nephew.] So need structure of “complex”. Most especially include social complications. [Remember shady lawyers aren't hard to find.] That will be “F”>>Rose and me. “D” [across from A] the witch and Joe. Presumably he's her undead servitor. With Mike leaving first owing so he lives but something wrong but who is fucking point of view/narrator? intro? [3rd-none-runner into valley + scrap existent writing.] So Glenn And Rose. Let the physical description of me match, [but] pitiless rendering of woes--he's constantly seeking attention. Constantly makes audible note of pain. Because if he doesn't pain isn't believable to others. [scribbled note: “Leave adoption in and modification --why not? for time being, anyway. No obsessive examination a la novella of self motive and environment. He is [to extent] running from Vietnam past, for now not specified, she's an ex-nun [not taking questions at the moment, thank you]. Both where they are because they feel betrayed [partially by selves and lack of sense, mind]; trust and it turns out you're foolish. [Most likely you're foolish no matter what you do.] [Have to decide from the start just how much of the physical state I'm in and the pain to include. Right now looks better not to say something on the order of increasing pain and debilitation [**************]] Diagnoses from doctors concur, he has income but bad credit, she's trapped at Harry and David--escape from the wretched trailer. His self-identity and things he runs from. Very favorable treatment of [**] of course. This treatment allows Hippy and such on outside. Judgment's mutual, I suppose. I learned a few things about working on cars and a lot about the “low information” sector of society. [Even lower than military dependent.] They learned nothing about me. There's a lot of effort not to think [on their part]. They even talk about it, brag. A lot of horizontal information sharing not much vertical because of perception of identity between authority structure and those for knowledge. At least partly true, too; hard to study when you're dead. A great deal of functional illiteracy. Hard to argue. In a changing environment the minute the logic is changed not only intelligence but evolution is fucked. If it isn't consistent then you can't design a consistent set of reactions. That's the terrifying part of dealing with the psychotic for many people. They can't approach realizing what it's like to be psychotic. The perception is that the world is changing. I remember people asking what it was like, being as intelligent as I was. All I could think was how inane the question was. The Stanford-Binet was an intricate pattern, and I wanted to do well. Humans and their society aren't in the least cnsistent. I know I'm different. [I certainly didn't mean that I was consistent, by the way.] Really doubt I'm better. Don't get the social patterns. This guy will at least do better than me. I think any TS shit just presented as discounted. Third person for sure, soewhat scatter-brained. Rose as Polish with accent. Landlord presented by proxy. That's the missing part. By the tie Glenn and Rose have come along Marianna Thompson is dead and her nephew is handling her business. Without having formally notified anyone to speak of. Marianna had 2 daughters, one of whom conveniently presented herself. He lives in the house on Baker Street, naturally alone, now. So he has had a bulk outlet for meat. [This was note in passing. Gotta find one as in and the grossest and most obvious probably just wouldn't work.] --This note was originally parenthetical. It is very hard to strangle oneself. [People who came to this valley--real and fictional--tend to have lost their identities somehow, flight or resting-point--or place to leave, if you grew up here.] (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 1st, 2008
12:43 pm	current writing notes as of 5/31 05/31/2008 Toward Mail Order Blues The entire context here is something that I had missed entirely. The average reader by definition of the average of the politician is reading this at third hand as it were. They can't quite identify. More accurately, they can't afford to identify. Because identity like science, politics and religion is a matter of faith. I forgot to mention economics, the world where whole structures are built by paper. Certainly we tend to worship representative systems. Sort of like Zelazny's sacred shoes. Except these of course would be ensuring that a word was never said--the word itself having been long forgotten, and even the concept behind it, so that a lot of the time is spent looking for evil, and for its words. Done properly, Harry and David is the context for the entire audience, though. It will be somewhat of a stretch to imagine the inner workings of the executive branch, but not much. This does mean that I can't really afford to have anything to do with the company at this point, or at least that I make it very clear that I am writing something which if it were published wouldn't be taken to be wholly complimentary. Perhaps. To some people. And all that. Should work. So what we've got is a little town on the verge of nowhere on one side, and with the big city of Medford (suitably renamed to something meaningless) on the other. The verge of liveability has long been passed, and on the wrong side. They aren't making it financially. One of the cops smokes pot and reads books, and the other one's doing the nod on moonshine. So the actual organization of this is experiential, and as such time-based (with a serial consciousness of time, and parallelization confined to things like language and television) with geography playing a big part. Because the ones who work there longest come from a variety of locales, there's a lot of input. This means that there needs to be a fairly systematic distortion of things represented like telephone specials and such. Can't have exact resemblances or there's probability of real trouble here. If I'm represented it's pretty well as bit player because everyone finds me a bit disconcerting. Doesn't fit in, and all that. Which would be the reason for exclusion from the ultimate Game around, although he guesses it. This is of course a note to myself, but all writers should really take note. This isn't the place to go into The Meaning Of Life And Other Great Affairs And SuchLike, because the audience (who is after all the name of the game) is already falling asleep. (Comment on this)